Many of the private messages I get are from people who can't trust love anymore.
They got into a bad relationship, fell in love with the wrong person, and experienced so much pain that they didn’t think they could ever open their heart to love again.
Can you relate?
Have you ever been in a relationship where you loved so deeply only to get burned so badly?
How can you trust love again after something like that?
Well, I get this question all the time, and the truth may sting, but it will set you free from the fear of not being able to trust love again.
The truth is that this question is coming from a place of not knowing how to take full responsibility for your heartbreak.
Yes, I am throwing the ball back in your court.
When people tell me they can’t trust love anymore because of a heartbreaking experience, I ask them: Before you even dated that person, what did your gut instinct say about them? Not your mind, but your body?
Did you feel any...
MEN: WE’VE ENTERED A NEW PARADIGM.
What’s expected of us today as Men is different than it was when we were growing up.
For most of our lives, our culture taught us that in order to be “The Man” you had to get as much money, power, success, and sex as possible.
We put so much importance on achieving these things that we lower our integrity and sacrifice our relationships and health just to reach them.
We make heroes out our most successful businessmen, even if they’re an asshole.
We pride ourselves on how many women we can make “conquests” of without regard to how it affects them.
We spend our lives focusing on achievement after achievement without stopping for long enough to really know why we do what we do.
And yes, you can at least say we’ve made a lot of progress over the past few decades, but the stark reality is that we all grew up in a society with men as the dominant leader in a never ending pursuit of more money, power,...
Have you ever met a woman who was genuinely thriving, alive and powerful in her relationships, her work, her community, and life purpose?
A woman who was completely free inside, yet grounded?
If you haven’t, let me tell you about this kind of woman.
We call her the Awakened Woman, but she has also been called the third stage woman, which implies there is a first and second stage.
A first stage woman has historically found herself being submissive and dependent on others in order to survive in the world. This was very common before the feminist movement began.
When a first stage woman chooses to no longer be dependent on others for her own financial and emotional well being, she grows into the second stage.
A second stage woman has worked hard to be financially, mentally, and emotionally independent. She sees herself as equal to men and demands to be treated fairly in the world. She has had to learn how to be assertive, strong, focused and directive. She lives inside a...
A third stage relationship is the kind of evolutionary relationship we have all been longing for, but did not know existed. Read on to learn more about what this kind of relationship feels like and how you can begin to create one for yourself.
NOTE: This is one of my longer posts, and I recommend you set aside 5-10 minutes to let it sink in -- there are a lot of gems in here!
In my last email I told you about Lilah and her partner Adam, and how they were in a classic second stage relationship. If you missed it, you can read Lilah and Adam’s entire story here, or you can watch the video on our YouTube page.
To recap: Lilah grew up to become a modern independent woman who could fully take care of herself. Adam toned down his masculinity so that he wouldn’t be like the aggressive and macho males of his father’s generation.
They developed these characteristics as a reaction away from the first stage way their parents’ generation related, where the male was the...
Ever wonder why your romantic relationships just don’t work the way you want them too?
Did anyone ever give you a specific clear understanding of how to create a happy, healthy, passionate and exciting relationship?
With the 50% divorce rate, you are obviously not alone.
As someone who helps people attract and build a dream relationships, I first get to hear people's frustrations because their relationships just aren’t working, and they don’t know what they’re doing “wrong”.
This is how my client Lilah felt when she came to me.
Lilah was sick and tired of being sick and tired of her relationships.
She knew she didn’t want the type of relationship that she grew up seeing from her parents.
Her parent’s relationship felt outdated. She was raised with the macho father and the rebellious reluctant housewife.
It hurts for her to remember how her mother sacrificed her dreams until one day they didn’t exist.
And it upsets her how her...
Let me tell you about Jacob.
He is a world renowned trainer for incredible therapists, coaches and healers.
When he is teaching, he comes alive.
He is in his genius zone.
Everyone loves to learn from him.
He is radiant, sure of himself, giving, assertive and in tune with the entire group.
And when he is not teaching or training he doesn’t bring the same energy.
He becomes flat. He is no longer engaging. He suddenly becomes boring.
He wanted to be in a loving, conscious relationship, but he often felt like no one noticed him.
He often felt invisible.
To get out of this pattern, he had to make a hard choice. He could keep telling himself he is invisible, or he could bring the same energy he exudes when he is teaching to when he is in social situations, especially when he was around a romantic interest.
He in a sense learned how to recall what he feels like when he is at the top of his game, when he is at his genius level and then he learned how...
One most painful things for my clients who are couples is when their partner is not being present.
When Chloe and Corey came in for relationship coaching, they thought that maybe they were growing apart because Cory was working too hard.
They desired to be able to be close to each other even as he was launching his company. His worst fear was that his business would make their relationship fall apart.
And he was right, the relationship started falling apart, but it wasn’t because of his business.
Corey realized that it was not the lack of quality time, but it was his lack of bringing quality to the time they spent together.
“Corey, are you completely present, engaged and responsive to Chloe when you ARE with her?” I asked.
“No,” he said. “I check my phone. I am half listening to Chloe because I am thinking about work, and I tell her I won’t bring the phone in our bedroom, but before we go to bed I want to...
Like many women I had been trained to be self-sufficient and independent.
From a young age I was taught that to be able to do things on my own and need minimal help is a prized trait.
The thing is when I would be that way in my relationships, super self-sufficient and independent, my partners respected me, but they didn’t feel I was irresistible.
They were not more drawn to me.
I wanted to be the fiercely independent woman who knew how to take care of herself and could figure things out on her own.
What I didn’t realize was that was good, but to a limit.
My past partners didn’t feel like I needed them. They felt it was more important for me to show my independence than to let them help.
I remember standing with a group of friends and we were snacking on something.
I dropped a piece of my snack on the floor and the man next to me went to pick it up because he was next to the garbage.
I stopped him and said: I got it....
From the very beginning when I was first dating my partner, he would say things to me I knew no man dared to say for fear of being rejected or appearing “soft” or “needy”.
I fell in love with my partner for this vulnerability and clarity.
He was immediately transparent that he was clear that he wanted a long term relationship with me, that he wanted a family and that he wanted monogamy.
Vulnerability is so sexy, because it takes a ton of courage.
Clarity is so sexy, because it builds trust that a person knows what they want and is able to go for it, even when it is absolutely terrifying.
I remember when we were just beginning to date and we were not official yet, my partner was going to go on a long trip. I asked him how he felt about me dating other people.
He said: “I would prefer it if you didn’t date anyone else. I would love to be in a monogamous relationship with you...if you are ready.”
In my work I get to hear a lot of relationship stories. And a lot of the stories remind me of my own relationship mistakes. One of those mistakes was that, in a past relationship, I was terribly dismissive and judgemental when my partner was sad or depressed, but I didn’t know.
I would try to make them feel better.
I would try to get them to see what was bothering them in a different way.
I thought I was being motivating.
I thought I was getting their mind off what they were worried about.
I thought that the best gift I could give when my partner expressed that they were sad, depressed, frustrated anxious or angry was to remind them of all the positives in their life and show them how they have nothing to worry about.
I thought that the best thing to do was try to help them fix and change their problems.
After all, I just wanted my partner to be happy, right?
I wanted them to get out of their funk so we can enjoy our time...
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